Happy Birthday, Love.

EDGAR

This post is for my boyfriend.

Today is his birthday, and I want to wish him the best day ever. Although I can't be with him cause, well, I'm all the way over here, and he's all the way over there, I hope he knows I wish him the best. May all his wishes come true, and I hope he enjoys today with all his family and friends.

Edgar, eres lo mejor de mi vida. Te deseo lo mejor amor. Espero y tengas un lindo dia.

K&E <3

I'm Sad.

Everything is happening so quickly. Soon I'll be gone. I'll be leaving things behind.

My Best Friends.

My Family.

My Pho.

My Bed.

My City.

<3

I'm Sad.

P.S. These are in NO particular order.

Something Worth Holding On To.

Last night I was thinking about relationships and how much they change over time. At the beginning, shit is amazing, you know? You're in that so-called "honeymoon" phase where you're all lovey dovey and what not, there's nothing to argue about, and you're just so happy to be together. But what starts happening? Eventually, you're going to have some kind of disagreement. And its good! You don't want to be with someone who always things exactly like and agrees with everything you say or vice-versa cause let me tell you, that shit gets real old real quick. So arguing sometimes is good. At the same time though, you want to learn to work through things so that you can develop a solid, strong relationship.

When I first started talking to my boyfriend, I was still haunted by what I experienced in my previous relationship. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have been so damn tough to talk to. But alas, we learn, right? How can I even begin to explain the many ways that he's changed me? For those of you who know me, know how difficult I can be. I have a tendency to be impatient, short- tempered and moody among other things. And I'm touched that he accepts me and adores me just the way I am. Cause I sure as hell don't know how many other guys can do that.

Having said all that, I know we're going to have rough moments. All couples do; we're humans and its only natural. But I'd like to think we're both going to make an effort to make this work. Honestly, this guy is really special to me. For a while I was thinking I wouldn't find what I wanted, but I've found it in him. So. To all you young loves out there looking to get through the rough moments: The important thing is bringing whatevers bothering you out in the open and talking about it, getting through it. If you're like me, and leave stuff bottled up inside you until one day you explode, well that shit just isn't going to cut it. There should never be any reason for you to not be able to say whats on your mind. If the person you're with cares about you enough for you to both work through it, everything will be fine.

K&E <3

What She Doesn't Know Will Kill You.

There's that girl. One day you met her and little did you know how fast she'd settle into your mind. You start noticing everything about her: the way she sighs when she gets impatient, the way she flips her hair as she walks, the way she smiles at nothing at all. You think she's beautiful and smart and lovely. Your heart always beats faster around her. She's the kind of girl you would take home to mom. You watch her sometimes (but not in that creepy way). You get nervous around her but you know how to make her laugh. And boy, do you love making her laugh. Her eyes crinkle and her laugh always sounds so pleasant, and even when she accidently snorts you still love it. But you never tell her.

You'd do anything for this girl. You've seen her cry. You've seen her hurt, and you've gotten angry because you know she doesn't deserve it. Perhaps you've even been the one to wipe away her tears. You'd do anything to make her happy. You'd never hurt this girl. But you never tell her.

Everytime one of those love songs come on, you think of her. Maybe you go through a couple of relationships but none of those girls compare. You'd rather hold her hand, kiss her forehead, look into her eyes. She's still the one in your dreams. But you never tell her.

You don't mind that when she rides in your car, she constantly changes the station. You don't mind that she calls you late at night right when you're about to fall asleep; you'd talk to her at any time of the day cause you love her. You know all sorts of things about her down to the way she got that scar on her elbow in the fifth grade cause you listen to everything she says. It's the only time you ever listen: when she talks. But you never tell her.

So much time is lost from words left unsaid. One day you wake up and realize its too late. So.. tell her. <3

25 Things You Might Not Know About Me.

I don't think many people read what I write on here. Hell, I don't think anyone save for maybe two people read what I write on here. Nonetheless, I continue writing cause I don't do it for the sake of the audience. I do it for myself. I like voicing my thoughts, regardless of whether anyone cares to read them.

Here are 25 things I doubt people know about me.

1. My favorite kind of milk is chocolate almond milk. Its vegan.

2. The kind of music I listen to most frequently is banda.

3. I love tulips the most.

4. I hold grudges. Once you're on my bad side, you stay on there for life.

5. I don't have a favorite color.

6. The first time I dyed my hair I was ten.

7. I always expect the worst before expecting the best.

8. I'm sensitive and get hurt easily although I'm good at hiding it.

9. When I was in middle school I got into a physical fight with a guy.

10. I hate crying in front of people.

11. I can't stand girls that suck at driving and parking.

12. It's worse when I see guys that suck at driving and parking.

13. I don't know how to cook, but I can bake.

14. I worry excessively about everything.

15. I have a huge potty mouth that I have to constantly remind myself to keep under control.

16. Two things I cannot tolerate in a guy: Unfaithfulness & Lies.

17. My favorite show is Golden Girls.

18. Most of the time I'm a total bitch.

19. I love shopping, but I'm horrible at it. I never wear the things I buy.

20. I have trouble believeing in people.

21. I love plain frozen yogurt with fresh strawberries mixed in.

22. I hate my nose.

23. If I could be anyone in the world, I would still be me.

24. I'm not much of a phone-talker.

25. I'm loyal to those I care for. If you need me at 3:52 am on the rainiest, coldest, meanest morning when I'm on my period and sick, I'll be there.

So there. <3 K&E

Stop Falling.

Heartbreak is inevitable. At one point or another, you're going to fall for someone and we'd love that first person we fall for to be our soulmates, but more often than not, they aren't. And getting over heartbreak... well let me tell you, it really is a test of survival. I've been there done that, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Heartbreak is more than pain; its an empty space inside you, a dull ache in your heart, a neverending knot in your throat and a constant struggle to not let the tears fall. Everyone reacts to it differently, but heartbreak is always rough.

When I got my heart broken, I went through a couple of phases. At first, I thought it was just another silly fight. Then when I realized it was more than that and the pain started setting in, oh god. I cried, I screamed, I yelled. I let it all out. After that I went into a long silence. I stopped crying, stopped screaming, stopped yelling. Matter of fact, I stopped making much noise at all. I was drained of all emotion. I would go through the motions of daily life, but thats where it stopped. I wouldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, wouldn't talk or laugh or do much of anything. I spent most of my time thinking. I looked back at everything in the relationship and realized how many things had gone wrong. I had been stuck in a monotonous relationship where I didn't even feel special anymore. In fact, I didn't feel special, I didn't feel wanted, and I certainly didn't feel needed. My breakup became a breakthrough; I felt enlightened. So I became angry. I realized I deserved better, and no matter what, I did not want to go back. I left out of town for a while and life moved on. Sure I missed him, but it wasn't the same. It wouldn't ever be the same again. 

Within all these phases I went through, I kind of became an advocate for the anti-love movement. I was so sure I was through with it. No way was I putting myself through it again. Which finally leads me to the questions I asked in my last post. Where does love come from? Question with several answers. Where does it go when its gone? Who knows. For me it just faded away like a memory cause there was nothing there to keep it alive. Towards the end of our relationship he wasn't even the same person I had loved in the beginning. What takes its place? Nothing. Its there and then its not. Well at least thats what it felt like for me. And sorry I'm not being too clear on my answers, there's only so much insight I have, haha. And why does that place turn hard as stone? ...Its hard not to let it. There's so much pain, its easier to let yourself harden rather than to be left vulnerable. You don't want to be opened again. That's why it turns hard as stone.

Fortunately and unfortunately, I am in love again. Seriously. I feel like I'm crazy for even letting this happen, but I don't care. He's worth it. Every single moment with him is worth it. :)

Next time, warn me before you stab me in the heart.

He Wants To Know.

Where does love come from? Where does it go when it's gone? What takes it's place, and why does that place turn hard as stone?

Questions to consider. I'd love to know everyone's thoughts on this. On my next post, this is probably what I'll discuss.

He Said Hello In A Voice That Sounded Something Like Love.

One day there was this boy who saw a girl at a party and he thought she was beautiful. That's where it all started. They started talking and although the girl lived far away, it didn't stop them from talking every single day about anything and everything. One day the girl went back to the place where the guy was from. This is where it gets serious.

The first day she was there he delivered a dozen red roses to her with a card that simply read, "Now I can be with the girl of my dreams." That night, he surprised her with a visit and a walk in the park. She knew then he was everything and more than she had ever hoped for.

The second day he took her out again. He said she was everything and more than he had ever hoped for.

The third day he took her to a concert. And he sang to her. And she loved it.

The fourth day he took her horseback riding. Everything he did, he did it thinking of making her happy. She was happy.

The fifth day he took her to a beautiful lake. They sat and talked and enjoyed eachothers company. Then he took her to dinner at the most wonderful place. Unfortunately, that was the last night they would get to spend together cause she was leaving the next day. So they said their goodbyes.

The sixth day she was there she awoke with a heavy heart knowing she would be leaving. But he had planned ahead and had another bouquet of roses delivered to her. Another card, another message. All with love.

The girl in the story is me. And the guy... well he's mine. No one has ever done all those things for me. Every single day, he finds a way to make me feel special. I wasn't looking for love. If anything, I was trying to stay away from it. But he came along... And sometimes, well you just can't help it.

I think I love him cause everytime I think about being with him, I can't stop smiling.

There's This Guy I Know...

He's actually my best friend. We had classes together in high school from the time we were fourteen years old, but I don't think he liked me very much that first year. I wouldn't have liked me very much either. I saw some old pictures, and he's right. I did look kind of bitchy. Time changes everything, though, and we became best friends. I don't want to get into the whole story cause it still hurts to remember everything that happened, but long story made short: We got into a relationship, broke up, everything changed. We've had our ups and downs. Huge ups; huge downs. And still, our friendship has been strong enough to withstand every single thing that has come our way. He's amazing. He's funny and nerdy and sweet. He makes me mad sometimes but I get over it quickly cause I can't stay mad at him. I can count on him for anything, and I know he'll be there. He's the only person who has ever seen me cry with raw pain pouring out of my heart. And, people, I'm talking about those ugly tears that won't stop falling no matter what you do. I just want him to know I love him. No matter what. I don't care if I have to constantly remind him of it. Because people like him are hard to find. Why would I want to give that up?

So now... I'm moving away. And one of the things that's already hurting the most is thinking of the wonderful people of my life that I'll no longer see. He's one of those people. I want our friendship to stay strong. I feel like crying just talking about this cause I know so many things are going to change. I'm going to miss him and a few other people that have been there for me at my best and worst moments. But this post is about him. I know he's going to read this. I want him to know I'm always going to be there. <3

The Meaning of Life? That's Easy.

A few days ago, I read a wonderful blog that asked: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Do you believe in destiny? And, if you believe in that, does that mean you believe in soul mates? Oh how I wish I was the all-knowing Kimberly for that would mean I could answer these questions without much difficulty. But I'm not, and so along with everyone else I must dive into the deepest parts of my thoughts and sit and ponder and sit and ponder until I have at the very least a superficial answer.

Now, I have always believed everything happens for a reason. Why? Well, I'm sorry to say I don't have a deep philosophical answer for that except I just believe if something should happen, it will, and if it shouldn't, it won't. But people, don't get me wrong, I also believe we have choices. I just realized how difficult this will be to explain, but I'll give it my all. We make our own destiny both through the choices life presents us with and with the idea that everything happens for a reason.

Take this for example: When I was about seven years old my then five year old brother and I decided we wanted to go to the park right behind my back yard. We put my little one year old brother in his w

alker and I ran ahead to open the front door so we could leave. For whatever reason I looked down and realized my little brother was missing a shoe. I already had the knob in my hand. I could have easily ignored the missing shoe and stepped outside anyways. But I didn't. I made the choice to get the shoe. I had taken not more than a few steps away from the door when a loud crash sounded in my front yard. Some guy had stolen a truck, lost control of it and crashed through my gate. He hit both of our cars and came about two feet away from hitting our house. If we had stepped outside when we were originally going to, it would have hit us too. I made my brothers' and my destiny.

As far as soul mates go, sure. According to the dictionary, soul mates are those we have a deep feeling of affinity (love, intimicacy, sexuality, compability) for. If thats the definition of a soul mate then yes, I most certainly believe in soul mates. But just because we believe someone is our soul mate doesn't necessarily mean they believe the same about us. Sighh. Unfortunately. But, alas, in this life we may think we've found our soul mates several times, not just one. It's a journey. Love is always a journey.


Love is not going anywhere. When it is time, you will find someone you love.

My Mother's Daughter

The relationship I have with each of my parents is very different. I'm a daddy's girl, and I can almost never find a reason to be mad at my dad. The story is completely different with my mom. Our relationship has big ups, but humongous downs. We're constantly at eachother's throat and it SUCKS. I try to get along with her, but it just doesn't work. Nothing I do suffices. So yesterday I came to a difficult decision that I have already discussed with my dad and, unfortunately, he agrees. I need to move out. Distance is the only thing that will alleviate the anger between my mom and I. I have a bad temper, I do. But I promised my mom I would work on it, and I have. I've gotten much better. Ask anyone. And she promised she would change too, but she hasn't. Not one bit. I'm not going to ask her to change anymore. I've just gotta get out before things get worse. When you get to the point where you're so fed up, you don't even want to try anymore, it's time to take the next step. I'm sorry, mom, but your little girl is moving out.

Sorry for the rant, guys. :[

Forever Rest in Peace.

Yesterday was a sad day. I tend to avoid watching the news too much because its nonstop sad news. Last night, however, I watched with horror as they spoke of the 72 immigrant slayings in Tamaulipas, Mexico. I cried. I hurt. I feel for the families that have lost their loved one. Day after day hundreds of immigrants are kidnapped and killed and their families never hear from them again. I know I'm not writing the way I usually do, but it doesnt matter. All that matters is that I express this pain inside me. My mom's friend's husband and brother-in-law were 2 among the 72 that were massacred. I don't know how else to say how I feel. A million tears wouldn't suffice to show my grief. This isn't fair.

Girl's Best Friend.

Yesterday was one of the sadder days of my life. I lost one of my best friends: my doggy. Every morning we let him out around 7 cause he likes to go handle his business on his own. By 10 he's scratching on the door for us to let him back in. Yesterday he didn't come home. There was no scratching on the door at 10 or 11 or 12. There was no scratching all day. Right after work my brothers George and Jared, my sister Yarely and my brother's girlfriend Gabby and I set off looking for him. We went up and down street after street calling his name and asking anyone we saw if they had seen him. Many had, but none had noticed where he was heading. We searched for hours and never found him.

Marco, I love you.

I miss him. I miss him soo much. I miss him climbing up on my bed to sleep under my covers. I miss him running at me excitedly everytime I walked through my front door. I miss the little crying sounds he made if we didn't let him in our rooms.

I won't give up looking for him anytime soon, but if he's not found, all I hope for is that whoever has him is kind enough to treat him right. He's a good dog and doesnt ask for much. Just please give him a little food and water and some love.

I miss you, Marco.

I'm No White Wonder Bread Girl.

I have this memory of a summer day a few years back. My mami, 2 brothers and I were at a Burger King out in suburban Houston. When we walked in, there was a lone man in front ordering his food. The back of his shirt read "Minuteman Border Patrol: Americans Protecting America." When he got done ordering his food, he turned around and literally glared at us. Not one word. Just the painful sting of his silence. Then as soon as they gave him his food, he walked outside, sat on the sidewalk and ate his food. The Burger King was empty except for us. He despised us without knowing us. Oh, I remember. I remember how for one second I hated my brown eyes, brown hair and the permanent golden tan on my skin. But why should I ever feel that way?

Proud to be Latina.

In an ideal world, no one would be judged by the color of their skin, but rather for the content of their character. Isn't that what Martin Luther King, Jr. dreamed of? It seems unreachable, but for the sake of my future children, their children, and the children of their children, I hope we keep trying. I love America dearly regardless of all the negativity we face and are dealt with, but I don't want to wake up one day and realize that nothing ever changed.  

America, lets learn to love and stop the hating. Please.

Small Town, City Girl.

From the time I was a little girl, I was convinced I was a city girl. I hated those yearly summer trips to Mexico cause I felt like I was missing so much of my life in Houston. In fact, in all the years that I've gone, this summer is the first one that I actually enjoy over there. And I feel like a little fool for not realizing the beauty of the countryside earlier! If I had only stopped to smell the roses... Well no sense in dwelling. The point of this post isn't to think back on my foolishness, but rather to comment on something that I've been thinking about. From the moment we stepped off Mexican land, I missed it. I miss it sooo much, if I could go back there for a couple of months, I wouldn't hesitate. I fell so much in love with our lovely bulls who wouldn't judge as I sat with them in the morning to tell them my thoughts. Corny, right? But, alas, if you had been there in the cool morning breeze feeling what I felt then you would understand. I've come to realize that I'm not really the big city girl that I always understood myself to be. As stubborn as I am, I cannot believe that I was so close-minded as to not accept the small town part in me.

Me & A Bull ;]

Daily I wake up with the urge to run outside and not smell the fumes that surround our lovely city. Not that I don't love Houston because I truly, truly do. <3 But sometimes a girl needs a breath of fresh air. Sigh. I really need a breath of fresh air. I end this post on a sad note. Tonights very humid. Blah.

Don't Say You Love Me.

As I sat around the office this morning wondering what to blog about, I realized what today's date signifies. Today, 08/25, is my parent's 20th wedding anniversary. The fact that the divorce rate nowadays is so much higher than the marriage rate makes me proud to say that my parents remain together even after having gone through so much. However, even while having a prime example of love right in front of me everytime I come home from work or school, I am still a HUGE skeptic of love. Even when I was a little girl, I never dreamed of finding my prince charming and getting married. Love has always seemed so far out of reach to me. I've gone through some boyfriends and although I've loved some much more than others, I've only been in love with one, and it didn't work out well. I know I haven't lived much seeing as I just recently turned 19 a couple of weeks ago, but I guess I just doubt too much. And I'm not saying I'm an easy person to love either. I've hurt some people that I never meant to hurt, but I've hurt too. I've accepted it as part of life. I think I'm just sorely disappointed because there are so many things I want love to be. And then I change my mind when I get it! Yes, girls really are confusing. We don't really know what we want. But guess what? Neither do guys!  Now don't take this post as a sad part of my life. Its not. Right now I know its hard for me to believe theres someone out there, but the way life goes, I could be totally in love next month. <3

Although I'm weary about love, don't fear guys. I think I've matured a lot over the years. For this love, I'm giving my all. But just remember. Don't say you love me, if you don't love me at all.

I'm out to lunch. :]

Theres Something About Food.

I've never suffered through an eating disorder before so I hesitate to say that I truly understand how intense the relationship between a person and food can be. But its not so hard to understand when you feel like you've been there to some extent. My own relationship with food is still a little rocky, but for the past year its been a lot better than it ever was. I spent my high school years eating a lot, dieting like crazy and, for the most part, just being unhealthy. Now that I've come to terms with my love for food, I don't binge and I don't diet. I'm exactly where I want to be at. Earlier, I came across these oil paintings that really caught my attention because they depict women in their most intimate food moments. I've been there locked away in my room eating away at everything around me, so to see how its captured so beautifully amazes me. God, I love these paintings.

I hope everyone enjoyed these as much as I did. :]

Being a Girl.

Todays discussion is on what its like to be a girl. I must admit, I have had those days where I have wished that I was a guy like the day of my high school prom when I started one of the most painful periods of my life. I mean, come on. Can you imagine how horrible I felt?! Plus, I was in an extremely bitchy mood all day. No, I'm not ashamed to talk about it. Its all a part of being a girl, and instead of being ashamed of opening up about these things or, even worse, considering them taboo, we should embrace it. So, here goes a run through what I consider both the bad and the good of being a girl.

1. The dreaded menstrual cycle.  There is no running away from this. There are ways around it, but no matter what you do, it will eventually find you. And for some girls, on those days where things got a little out of hand and you forgot about a little thing called protection, getting your period is a blessing. I have a love/hate thing going on with my period. I love that it means my body is doing exactly what it should be doing, and I love that its short. However, I hate the pain and the discomfort. And the timing! Sometimes I feel like my body is punishing me for overeating and not exercising enough.

Baby. <3

2. Giving birth. Now I know that as soon as I wrote giving birth, there were going to be mixed emotions. I have it on my positive side of being a girl. Why? Good question. Every once in a while when my mom and I get into a big argument, she'll remind me of how much pain I put her through in labor. She was in labor with me for 18 grueling hours. Ouch. But you know what, she wouldn't trade those hours in for anything in the world. And although I'm only 19, and I've never experienced motherhood firsthand, I know how I would feel about having a baby. I consider the ability to have a child as something completely wonderful, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

3. Food. Need I say more? God, how I love food. Anyone who knows me knows that I am constantly eating. I'm 5'3 and 118lbs but I can sure put food away. I can easily put away an entire pizza by myself for lunch. The only problem is... and its the same problem that most girls have I'm sure, weight gain. When my clothes start feeling a bit tighter, I know its time to hit the gym. Generally I'm pretty good about getting some exercise in the summer, but those dreaded winter days hurt. I always gain weight in the winter no matter how hard I try to keep it stable. So maybe my enemy isn't the food, its winter. Well whatevs. The point is that, as a girl, weight gain is pretty bad. When guys gain weight, its not so noticeable. When girls gain weight, oh lord, here come the diets and exercise plans. Why the pressure to look good?

 4. Boys. I'm not one of those girls that goes boy crazy, but I do enjoy having several guy friends. In fact, I probably have an easier time getting along with guys than girls. Its for the simple fact that guys don't start mess like girls do. They're content to hang out without even thinking about gossip. Thanks guys. You may suck as boyfriends most of the time, but as friends yall are pretty cool. :] Have a nice day, everyone.

The Beginning of my Blogging Experience.

Interestingly enough, I never thought much about starting a blog. I just happened to be at work on a slow Saturday morning, and I figured why not? I have plenty to say, plenty to share, although not a lot of free time to do it. But no worries. Once I commit myself to something, I try my hardest to go through with it. So.. let the blogging begin.