I'm Sad.

Everything is happening so quickly. Soon I'll be gone. I'll be leaving things behind.

My Best Friends.

My Family.

My Pho.

My Bed.

My City.

<3

I'm Sad.

P.S. These are in NO particular order.

Something Worth Holding On To.

Last night I was thinking about relationships and how much they change over time. At the beginning, shit is amazing, you know? You're in that so-called "honeymoon" phase where you're all lovey dovey and what not, there's nothing to argue about, and you're just so happy to be together. But what starts happening? Eventually, you're going to have some kind of disagreement. And its good! You don't want to be with someone who always things exactly like and agrees with everything you say or vice-versa cause let me tell you, that shit gets real old real quick. So arguing sometimes is good. At the same time though, you want to learn to work through things so that you can develop a solid, strong relationship.

When I first started talking to my boyfriend, I was still haunted by what I experienced in my previous relationship. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have been so damn tough to talk to. But alas, we learn, right? How can I even begin to explain the many ways that he's changed me? For those of you who know me, know how difficult I can be. I have a tendency to be impatient, short- tempered and moody among other things. And I'm touched that he accepts me and adores me just the way I am. Cause I sure as hell don't know how many other guys can do that.

Having said all that, I know we're going to have rough moments. All couples do; we're humans and its only natural. But I'd like to think we're both going to make an effort to make this work. Honestly, this guy is really special to me. For a while I was thinking I wouldn't find what I wanted, but I've found it in him. So. To all you young loves out there looking to get through the rough moments: The important thing is bringing whatevers bothering you out in the open and talking about it, getting through it. If you're like me, and leave stuff bottled up inside you until one day you explode, well that shit just isn't going to cut it. There should never be any reason for you to not be able to say whats on your mind. If the person you're with cares about you enough for you to both work through it, everything will be fine.

K&E <3

What She Doesn't Know Will Kill You.

There's that girl. One day you met her and little did you know how fast she'd settle into your mind. You start noticing everything about her: the way she sighs when she gets impatient, the way she flips her hair as she walks, the way she smiles at nothing at all. You think she's beautiful and smart and lovely. Your heart always beats faster around her. She's the kind of girl you would take home to mom. You watch her sometimes (but not in that creepy way). You get nervous around her but you know how to make her laugh. And boy, do you love making her laugh. Her eyes crinkle and her laugh always sounds so pleasant, and even when she accidently snorts you still love it. But you never tell her.

You'd do anything for this girl. You've seen her cry. You've seen her hurt, and you've gotten angry because you know she doesn't deserve it. Perhaps you've even been the one to wipe away her tears. You'd do anything to make her happy. You'd never hurt this girl. But you never tell her.

Everytime one of those love songs come on, you think of her. Maybe you go through a couple of relationships but none of those girls compare. You'd rather hold her hand, kiss her forehead, look into her eyes. She's still the one in your dreams. But you never tell her.

You don't mind that when she rides in your car, she constantly changes the station. You don't mind that she calls you late at night right when you're about to fall asleep; you'd talk to her at any time of the day cause you love her. You know all sorts of things about her down to the way she got that scar on her elbow in the fifth grade cause you listen to everything she says. It's the only time you ever listen: when she talks. But you never tell her.

So much time is lost from words left unsaid. One day you wake up and realize its too late. So.. tell her. <3

25 Things You Might Not Know About Me.

I don't think many people read what I write on here. Hell, I don't think anyone save for maybe two people read what I write on here. Nonetheless, I continue writing cause I don't do it for the sake of the audience. I do it for myself. I like voicing my thoughts, regardless of whether anyone cares to read them.

Here are 25 things I doubt people know about me.

1. My favorite kind of milk is chocolate almond milk. Its vegan.

2. The kind of music I listen to most frequently is banda.

3. I love tulips the most.

4. I hold grudges. Once you're on my bad side, you stay on there for life.

5. I don't have a favorite color.

6. The first time I dyed my hair I was ten.

7. I always expect the worst before expecting the best.

8. I'm sensitive and get hurt easily although I'm good at hiding it.

9. When I was in middle school I got into a physical fight with a guy.

10. I hate crying in front of people.

11. I can't stand girls that suck at driving and parking.

12. It's worse when I see guys that suck at driving and parking.

13. I don't know how to cook, but I can bake.

14. I worry excessively about everything.

15. I have a huge potty mouth that I have to constantly remind myself to keep under control.

16. Two things I cannot tolerate in a guy: Unfaithfulness & Lies.

17. My favorite show is Golden Girls.

18. Most of the time I'm a total bitch.

19. I love shopping, but I'm horrible at it. I never wear the things I buy.

20. I have trouble believeing in people.

21. I love plain frozen yogurt with fresh strawberries mixed in.

22. I hate my nose.

23. If I could be anyone in the world, I would still be me.

24. I'm not much of a phone-talker.

25. I'm loyal to those I care for. If you need me at 3:52 am on the rainiest, coldest, meanest morning when I'm on my period and sick, I'll be there.

So there. <3 K&E

Stop Falling.

Heartbreak is inevitable. At one point or another, you're going to fall for someone and we'd love that first person we fall for to be our soulmates, but more often than not, they aren't. And getting over heartbreak... well let me tell you, it really is a test of survival. I've been there done that, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Heartbreak is more than pain; its an empty space inside you, a dull ache in your heart, a neverending knot in your throat and a constant struggle to not let the tears fall. Everyone reacts to it differently, but heartbreak is always rough.

When I got my heart broken, I went through a couple of phases. At first, I thought it was just another silly fight. Then when I realized it was more than that and the pain started setting in, oh god. I cried, I screamed, I yelled. I let it all out. After that I went into a long silence. I stopped crying, stopped screaming, stopped yelling. Matter of fact, I stopped making much noise at all. I was drained of all emotion. I would go through the motions of daily life, but thats where it stopped. I wouldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, wouldn't talk or laugh or do much of anything. I spent most of my time thinking. I looked back at everything in the relationship and realized how many things had gone wrong. I had been stuck in a monotonous relationship where I didn't even feel special anymore. In fact, I didn't feel special, I didn't feel wanted, and I certainly didn't feel needed. My breakup became a breakthrough; I felt enlightened. So I became angry. I realized I deserved better, and no matter what, I did not want to go back. I left out of town for a while and life moved on. Sure I missed him, but it wasn't the same. It wouldn't ever be the same again. 

Within all these phases I went through, I kind of became an advocate for the anti-love movement. I was so sure I was through with it. No way was I putting myself through it again. Which finally leads me to the questions I asked in my last post. Where does love come from? Question with several answers. Where does it go when its gone? Who knows. For me it just faded away like a memory cause there was nothing there to keep it alive. Towards the end of our relationship he wasn't even the same person I had loved in the beginning. What takes its place? Nothing. Its there and then its not. Well at least thats what it felt like for me. And sorry I'm not being too clear on my answers, there's only so much insight I have, haha. And why does that place turn hard as stone? ...Its hard not to let it. There's so much pain, its easier to let yourself harden rather than to be left vulnerable. You don't want to be opened again. That's why it turns hard as stone.

Fortunately and unfortunately, I am in love again. Seriously. I feel like I'm crazy for even letting this happen, but I don't care. He's worth it. Every single moment with him is worth it. :)

Next time, warn me before you stab me in the heart.